When you walk in the door and you see me struggling, I need your help. When I’m trying to cook dinner, tend to the kids, clean up the messes and juggle everything else, I need you help. When I ask… or beg for help, I NEED IT! I’m not sure if you don’t understand or if you just don’t care.
Being a stay at home mom is an exhausting and rewarding, heavenly hell on earth. I love my kids and I feel so blessed every day to spend the time I do with them. But I’ve completely lost myself. I lose my temper way too easily sometimes, and spend the rest of eternity drowning in guilt. I try to do it all, and slap on a brave face. But when the baby finally goes down for a nap or when they spend the day with grandparents I break down. Instead of taking a much needed break, I spend the time cleaning and organizing just for it all to turn into mess in less than 24 hours. I do laundry, dishes, cooking/preparing of 3 meals a day (and a million and one snacks for my toddler) picking up toys, getting groceries, cleaning out the fridge, organizing the pantry, managing paying all the bills, and the bookkeeping for my husbands company. Hell, all he does is do the jobs. I make sure he get paid for them. But I don’t see any of the money. I am burnt out. I need help.
I know I am capable of doing all these things by myself, but why should I? I hate that I feel weak when I ask for help. I hate that I get ignored and brushed off when I ask for help. Do I not deserve it? My friends and family offer help when they can. But I need my “partner” to pick up the slack and join the team. I’d yell less, I’d be happier. I’d be a better me and everyone would benefit. But instead I resent him and pick up my head and continue on doing everything. I do it for my kids and tell myself “all that is terrible, is also temporary”. And I carry on. But I still need help.
m0dernh0usewife 